Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
