to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
