Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
