I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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