Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
