Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
