Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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