At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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