My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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