I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
