people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
