Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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