you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
