Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
