he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
