watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she smelled like a LAN party
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
