Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
