so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
