Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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