This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
