As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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