Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
