ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
