Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he fucked my hip out of place.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
