Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
