one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
