I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
