Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
