found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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