i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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