I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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