I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
