your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
