Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
