My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
