is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i came on her dog
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
