turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
