Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
