I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
