You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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