My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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