I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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