I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
