pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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