our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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