He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You have to summon your inner elephant
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
