i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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