he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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