Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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