no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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