I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
