I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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