It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
