I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
